LA, Here I come.

Its Sunday morning, and I leave for LA in just a few hours. I don't know when I'll be able to post to the blog. Until then, Happy Holidays!

death becomes her

This morning I received a phone call from my mother. She told me, "Grandma past away forty-five minutes ago." Even as I type this, I am still at a loss for words and how to explain what I am feeling. I have this recurring question: Do I feel sad because of her passing, or because of the idea that my grandmother has past away?

I have always felt that I was scorned by my grandmother. My early childhood memories are of her harboring disdain towards me as a child. Any little "inappropriate" action would incur such a wrathful punishment. Playing with a knife and fork at the table merits a slap across the face and a threat. Not washing the dishes "correctly" or any other action done "incorrectly" receives the harshest of criticisms. Her mantra was children should be seen, and not heard. Secretly, I enjoyed the fact that she lived in Scotland, and I lived in America.

Growing older has helped put my grandmother's actions into perspective for me. She lived at a time when Britain ruled the world, and there was a clear sense of what is right and wrong. Children obeyed parents without question, and parents provided discipline for their children. Unfortunately, I got to witness what a part of the discipline really means. Although I can rationalize and contextualize her actions and attitude, I am having difficulty reconciling my past memories with my new understanding. I always have, and perhaps always will when it comes to her.

Another chink in my armor that is my self-image.

my devil made me do it

At work today, I commented to one of my favorite co-workers that there will be series of subtle changes come January. It piqued his curiousity so much that he called me after work to ask more about it. I told him my version of the story of Charles, and also told him the forbidden knowledge Tim told me about the impending changes. Then, out of curiosity, I asked him to evaluate Charles, both professionally and personally. His and my evaluations on both aspects paralleled each other.

Scott is a nice person, curious and unassuming. He has a delectable air about him and his wit is truly delicious. He does make the potential drab moments of the day bright with his personality.

After I hung up the phone, I remembered that Scott keeps a weblog... and just out of curiosity, I crept around the internet to see if I could find it without directly asking him. I thought if I were to ask him, then he may ask me for my weblog address, and (poof!) my secret criticisms would be divulged... I found his weblog. I think I will add it to my list of blogs...

JK Rowling

When I got home from work today, I decided to relax a little bit and read through the headlines. I came across a very exciting headline: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince will be released sometime in July 2006. The article had the official J.K. Rowling website listed beneath it. Its a great site. A part of the site poses riddles and questions to anyone wanting to know more about the book. To get to the riddles, click on the hairband. Once you see the door, click on the Christmas tree in the mirror. Once it opens, click on the presents to see each riddle. If you are stuck, click the comments link to this post. I will post the answers to the riddles there... Enjoy!

the ball drops

The ball drops, and Charles is dismissed. His three weeks notice starts today. I don't know what his reaction was when he was told, because I had left work while he met with Chang. There are many repercussions for Anthony and me regarding January's and February's schedule. Fortunately, I have been given a say as to how the schedule is settled.

I have been asked to take on a part of the Winter Intensive courses for a little extra pay. I would have a normal 1pm-9:00pm working schedule on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and 10:30am-9:00pm schedule on Tuesdays, and Thursdays. The time of the Winter Intensives starts in the beginning of January and ends the first week of February. I told Tim I will have to think more about it and will let him know my decision by Tuesday (tomorrow).

The main reason why I did not volunteer for the Winter Intensive courses is because during the Summer Intensive courses, my stress levels increased dramatically, and my quality of teaching diminished. Towards the end of the Summer Intensive, the morning students did not enjoy the classes as much and could not wait for it to be over, and I had become an insensitive slave driver in my afternoon classes. Upon reflection of that time, I promised myself that I would never do that again, regardless of how much money they would throw at me. Well the situation is different now, and I now have other factors to consider.

They will not find another night teacher until March. I'll write what my decision will be in a later post.

aftermath friday

Plot thickens for Charles, and for that matter, the rest of the Poly teachers. On Friday, I had a pre-arranged meeting with Tim, the Vice-Director, to discuss his observations of my evening classes. He had nothing but good things to say about what he saw, and early on in the meeting, he changed the its focus.

He asked me my opinion on the morale of the evening teachers. I told him that it is lower than the morale of the daytime staff. There are more daytime teachers, therefore more personalities willing to help deflect and manage the stress of the job. In the evening, there are only three teachers, including myself, and to be frank, our personalities when put together don't have what it takes to create a positive synergy.

I told Tim that Charles rejoices when students don't show up for the evening classes. He has shown that he is more excited about having a break than about teaching. Those kinds of comments indicate immaturity towards the job and a lack of concern towards maintaining student enrollment. I stated further that Charles's pressuring me to leave work early with him made me feel uncomfortable and is a sign of Charles's lack of professionalism. I said other things as well, but Tim was mainly interested about the atmosphere in the evening.

Towards the end of the meeting, Tim said that there are going to be changes made fairly soon to address the issues we discussed. I asked him to elaborate. He said that Charles and Anthony are not going to receive any extra salary for teaching the Winter Intensive. The original agreement was that they they come in early and teach the classes for extra salary. Furthermore, they will not be given the option to decline, but rather required to teach them. If they decide not to, then they will be asked to leave. He also said that some evening classes will be closed, and that anyone having a break will be given work to do. He said that these plans are tentative, and are not exactly set yet.

I will be very curious to see what the overall reactions of the teachers will be towards the upcoming changes.

charles not in charge

Charles is not in charge of his life. He comes to work late. He would leave work early if he could. The stress from his job causes him great anxiety that leads to physical sickness. Charles has no great interest in his job, and it reflects in his work ethic and attitude towards his job. If given a better job opportunity, Charles would take it without a second thought to what he has now. Charles is a Korean-Canadian teacher at my English school, and I suspect soon to be former teacher.

Student enrollment of Poly's night classes is slowly dwindling. Because of the loss of students, some classes have one to two students. When these students don't show up for class, the teacher is given a break from teaching. In the past two weeks, I have been enjoying my breaks by working on grading, report card writing, and decorating classrooms. Tonight, I had a two hour break. Charles had an 80 minute break.

For the first thirty minutes of his break, Charles slept at his desk. He sits behind me and I could hear him cooing like a sleeping baby that coos throughout the night. After his nap, Charles says that he is tired and then thinks of ways to leave work early. Searching for Chang, the director of the school, for twenty minutes and unable to find him, he packs his things and readies himself to leave. He beckons me to go with him, and after I tell him no, he leaves twenty-five minutes before he is supposed to leave. I see him leave and so does the front desk consultant. Ten minutes later, Chang asks the front desk the whereabouts of Charles. Chang spends the rest of the evening in his office behind a close door. Normally, his door is open.

I hope Charles figures out what he wants to do soon.

strange story

The mood at work was much better today, kind of mellow. The low-key day was a kind of reflection of the weather, drizzly, cold, and overcast. A teacher's birthday is today, but the staff did not celebrate it as is the usual custom. A comment by one of the teachers reminded me of a bizzare incident that happened about two weeks ago. Said by a teacher who has been in Korea since August, the comment is, "I finally am moved into my new apartment." Normally, once you arrive, you are in your apartment.

Two weeks ago, on an early Sunday evening, a teacher, who happens to live two doors away from my door, was assaulted by a Korean male inside her apartment. The situation began with her opening her front door and hitting someone standing outside of the door. Apologies were given, and the teacher went downstairs to drop the garbage, and quickly went back to her apartment. She did not lock the door behind her, mainly due to the trek taking only two minutes.

Upon her return to the apartment, she continued chatting online with her friend. Eventually, nature called her to the bathroon. As she opened the door to her bathroom, she found a man standing there, looking down on her. Confusion happens, and the man with broken English told her that he thought he was in his girlfriend's apartment. Sensing the teacher not understanding his intention, the man asked if he could use the internet to find the English words to elucidate his point.

Forty to forty-five minutes go by, and the man is still in the teacher's apartment. All during that time, the teacher is asking the man to leave. Eventually, the man communicates that the teacher is to sit on the bed and he will leave. The teacher sits, and the man charges her and is on her with his fingers around her throat, yelling, "I am going to kill you." The teacher is struggling and the man finally realizes he is doing something incredibly wrong, and lets up. The man apologizes, and when he opens the front door, the teacher screams for help.

The man flees, and the teacher runs into Mike and Kelly's apartment, which is next door to mine. During all of this, I was away, and was told about later in the evening. There is an epilogue to the story, but I'll save it for another time.

the burn

December 12th marks the beginning of the sixth month in my teaching contract at Poly. I still am enjoying my time at Poly, and think it is a great school. Yet, I have been experiencing unpleasant moments, but nothing near the time spent at the previous school.

Last week, I mentioned to another teacher that the work environment has become less jovial and more cynical. Teachers are complaining more about the workload and about students than they are about talking about effective ways of managing the work and troublesome students. When I first arrived, the environment was incredibly positive. My first impression of the teachers was that everyone was responsible for his/her share of the work and was willing to share supplements and ideas about to teach the daily material. I admit, sharing continues among the teachers but not to the degree when I first arrived.

I suspect everyone is looking forward to the one-week break that approaching. My hope is that everyone will feel refreshed after the break. I hope I do; my plan is to travel to Los Angeles and spend the New Year's with Matt, and possibly Brian and Tim.

Long Time, No Write

Earlier this evening, I tried answering my brother's question about why I haven't been writing to my blog. I wrote back that I wasn't sure, but what I wanted to write back was that everytime I sit down to write, I have to focus a lot of energy into organizing my thoughts so that there is some coherence to the flow of writing. I have tried a variety of ways to make that process easier on me, but all tried so far have been met with marginal success.

The other aspect to writing online is not knowing who is reading this blog. This aspect is one that I reckon with each time I post to the web. Why is it an ordeal for me? Five days a week, I play a role as teacher. When as a teacher, I try to be knowledgeable, responsible, mature, and above all else, impregnable. Yet, at the same time, I incorporate attributes of my person into the role. Those attributes are warmth, open-mindedness, compassion, and fairness. It is very hard to take a break from that role and allow myself to be completely open in this forum.

Thus are the two sides within me that create a writer's block. I hope that I post this, and if I do, it will serve as a buoy for me so that I can write later posts. Here is to another way to write again.